


illegally blonde

by hingabee



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Date Night, Flowers, M/M, Poems, liquid gets really weird but otacon is kind of into it, romantic seduction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 18:21:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16938318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hingabee/pseuds/hingabee
Summary: It just is unfair, how someone as simple and unimportant as Emmerich manages to force him to lose control over his emotions like this, Liquid thinks. It just is unfair.





	illegally blonde

**Author's Note:**

> for wish 174: liquid/otacon
> 
> i tried to keep this as close to the prompt while also staying in the realm of my writing abilities, i hope you still enjoy it !

“Hal Emmerich, sir. I am the, uh, chief engineer for the project – if you have any questions regarding REX feel free to ask me!”  
  
It is quite a shock, really, and Liquid can not help cocking an eyebrow as he stares down at the mousy little man sitting cross-legged in a computer chair below him. Of course he has looked through the personnel files of the civilian scientists inhabiting the base ( _his_ new base, for now) but to be honest as great as he is at leading a unit, Liquid Snake just does not pay much mind to paperwork – especially if it is not combat related, or at least a little bit exciting – and prefers to just brush it off to hand it over to his subordinates.   
  
He figures that he really should have been more prepared for this, but it is too late for regrets now so Liquid decides to just hold out a, admittedly, very stiff hand in Emmerich’s general direction and hopes that the man does not notice the surprise on his face.  
  
But the apple does not fall far from the tree and Emmerich quickly reveals himself to be just as terrible at reading other people as his father was – which definitely is a pro in Liquid’s book, because it means that he will not have to put on as much of a facade as he does with most people he interacts with. And on the contrary, while Emmerich does seem to be a bit intimidated he actually appears to be _happy_ when Liquid introduces himself formally. Perhaps it is just out of the isolation of being stuck on this stupid island, or maybe because the man’s co-workers are all boring bastards with one foot in the grave already, but it is still a surprise to Liquid to have someone actually smile when meeting him for the first time.  
  
He realises, pathetically late, that he does not know how to deal with such a positive and _friendly_ reception.  
  
But Emmerich either politely ignores his uncertainty or is just too oblivious to notice, because he simply proceeds to awkwardly usher Liquid closer to show him some ‘simulations’ on his computer screen that look suspiciously like something ripped straight out of a video game.   
  
The animated fake REX does a bit of walking (something Emmerich seems to be very excited about, god knows why) and moves its various robotic limbs to show off its praised flexibility. To be honest it is a bit dull to watch for Liquid who has seen way more interesting things than this from his previous encounters with Metal Gears, but he suppose that the little rail-gun REX whips out at the end of the show is kind of cute.  
  
Also Emmerich’s obvious joy and excitement is quite endearing.  
  
In the end Liquid thanks him and has to clear his throat to excuse himself quickly, since there is still _so_ much to do.  
  
-

  
The days drag on and from time to time Liquid falls back on Emmerich’s offer; pays him a little visit in his office to check on REX and ask very stupid questions that really only an absolute idiot could fall for.   
  
“Oh my god.” He says in the evening, back in his quarters with his hands covering his face. “I have a crush on an absolute idiot.”  
  
“Pot meet kettle.” Mantis announces dryly from where he is floating above the dresser and reading a book. “Also I wouldn’t call it a crush, boss. It really is more of a hormonal overproduction caused by stress, so it would not matter if I presented you Emmerich or a meatball with glasses – you’d be up to shag anything remotely cute and willing that falls into your hands.”  
  
Liquid gives him a stink-eye over his shoulder and clicks his tongue in disdain for his friend’s harsh words.   
  
“Will I ever be able to like another person without you dropping your useless – and might I add _unwanted_ – commentary on it?”  
  
“Aw, I’m hurt.” Mantis closes his book and floats down to the ground to walk over to Liquid’s little nest of blankets and loneliness on the bed. “But also, _no_ , you need someone to be your voice of reason after all. Who knows what we will end up with if you end up listening to the garbage Octopus likes to disguise as words?”  
  
Hitting him lightly in the side with his elbow – which is still almost too much for someone of Mantis stature – Liquid decides to pout a bit before letting himself fall back onto the mattress.  
  
“What do I do about this, Mantis? We are only scheduled to stay here for a few weeks and then… .” He trails of and stares at the ugly wallpaper.  
  
Mantis pats his shoulder like someone would touch a dead animal (though Liquid is convinced Mantis would enjoy touching _that_ more than comforting his best friend) and lies down beside him.  
  
“You don’t do anything, of course.”  
  
Liquid grunts. “ _What_?”  
  
“Boss, someone in your emotional state just can not risk to get distracted before such an important mission.” He ignores Liquid’s offended gasp and continues. “Also it’s not like there are any flowers around for you to woo him with, anyway.”  
  
“That’s a great idea, though! And you do have flowers – the ones in the glass pots you insisted on taking to bloody Alaska, if I recall correctly!”  
  
Mantis snorts. “Boss, those are _carnivorous_ plants.”  
  
“So?”  
  
“Oh! I don’t know! Do you not agree it is _just_ a little bit weird that the man you are considering to seduce looks exactly like that greasy old fuck your father threw into the sea in the Eighties?”  
  
Now visibly upset, Liquid sits up and smooths his messy hair back. “They are nothing alike, Mantis! Also nobody but us knows about Emmerich Senior here, anway.”  
  
Despite him wearing a mask it is not hard to make out Mantis rolling his eyes behind the lenses. “Last time I checked Ocelot was still alive.” He hisses. “ _Unfortunately_.”  
  
“I don’t think Ocelot has even left his, er, special room once since we arrived. So he probably hasn’t met Emmerich either yet.”  
  
Mantis kicks his legs. “He has not. Which is interesting – I wonder how he’d react to meeting another Emmerich. I know he _really_ could not stand the first one, to begin with.” He sits up too and turns towards Liquid. “Y’know, Eli. Actually I would not mind if you showed up with that kid to give the old fart a little scare; Big Boss’ clone getting it on with an Emmerich, hah! – maybe he’ll even get a heart attack or something, who knows. It could be fun, so I will allow it.”  
  
“I don’t need your permission to ask someone out, Mantis.” Liquid says at length.   
  
“Yes, you do. I have to look at what you like to call a brain during this after all.”  
  
“… touché.”

 

-

 

In the end Liquid decides to not go through with the flower thing - Mantis' plants actually have tiny mouths and _teeth_ , for fucks sake! Though he supposes Emmerich could very well find something like that interesting enough to not immediatly throw him out.

 

That Ocelot thing is a different story altogether, he does not exactly care about Mantis' notion to creep out the old man – as funny as it may be – but Liquid himself does not have many ideas on how to proceed in a situation like this. He considers asking his comrades for advice, but that will probably only lead him in the opposite direction, since Emmerich seems to be terrified of most of them.

 

Well, the man _does_ have a certain attachment to Wolf (which bothers Liquid to no end) but he is _also_ blonde and rarely covered his chest, so there is not much of a difference between the two of them.

 

Except for the dogs of course – he makes a mental note to get ahold of something cute and fluffy to lure Emmerich out of his lab, but aside from the dogs (and the ravens, though Liquid is pretty sure they are actually wild) there are no animals on Shadow Moses. Maybe a spider or two, but he doubts he can impress anyone but Mantis with that.   
  
Thinking long and hard about the best way to woo the subject of his desires Liquid ends up munching through most of his emergency candy stash before realising that the way he _himself_ likes to be seduced starts with just that – chocolates and comfort. Well, at least most of the time – sometimes all Liquid needs is a very direct proposal to get it on and get down, he is a simple man when it comes to sex and romance.   
  
He ends up grabbing most of Mantis’ favourite chocolate (he will probably suffer the consequences later), digs through the farthest depths of his closet to find a vaguely presentable jumper (plus it is soft; it may suffice as puppy replacement) and pushes his favourite VHS into the player. Good preparation is everything.   
  
When he walks into Emmerich’s lab the man does not even greet him and Liquid immediately feels a pang of self consciousness but takes a deep breath and pushes past one of the other, less adorable scientists to get closer.  
  
“Hey… .” He says but Emmerich seems so focused on his work (numbers and words on his PC screen that Liquid is pretty sure are some kind of code, maybe for more fun robot moves – who knows) that he either straight up ignores him or plainly does not notice this quite impressive figure of a man looming behind him.   
  
Liquid does not have much patience in him, so he just slaps the chocolate on Emmerich’s desk, causing the poor guy to flinch so hard he almost falls out of his chair.  
  
“Ack! – Geez, Liquid, you scared me!” He turns around and adjusts his glasses and Liquid can feel his heart melt right there.   
  
“My apologies.” Liquid tries to keep his voice composed and well… _normal_ sounding, but he fails miserably and tries to make up for it by putting one hand on his hip to assume a more confident pose. “But I’ve come to ask you a very important question.”  
  
Emmerich looks up and smiles, god bless him. “Oh?”  
  
“I, uh, figured it would be a good idea for the two of us to spend some time together, y’know, outside of work and all this stressful business… .” Yes, that is a good start, he can do this.   
  
“You mean like a team-building exercise? I guess it does make sense for the two – hehe – ‘leaders’ around this project to get involved a little more – after all we are the ones keeping this entire thing afloat, we need to be able to trust each other, hm?” Emmerich nods. “That is a great idea, Liquid.”  
  
Feeling his knees go weak and sweat starting to pearl on his forehead, Liquid presses out a whimpered noise of agreement and tries to force the corners of his mouth into a smile. But that is all he can manage for now; he leaves the chocolate and Emmerich behind and flees down the hallway and back in the direction of his quarters.  
  
-

 

“Oh my god. I am an absolute idiot who has a crush on an even bigger idiot, what did I do to deserve this!?” He whines later, settled against Mantis’ shoulder who nonchalantly pets his hair.   
  
“Shush, it isn’t your fault, Eli. You just can’t help being stupid.”   
  
Liquid sniffles. “That isn’t exactly helpful.”   
  
“Honesty is the key to all social interaction, you should try it some time.”   
  
“I am not letting myself get lectured on relationships by someone with Antisocial Personality Disorder, Mantis.”  
  
“Pah.” Mantis plucks a loose thread from his jumper. “Did you really wear this awful thing all day? It really must have hit you hard if you decided to voluntarily put on sweater, huh?”  
  
“Mnn”   
  
“You are completely useless. Go and invite him to your quarters tonight, I guarantee you he will gladly accept and show up for… whatever you have planned to do with him.” Mantis makes an amused noise in his throat. “Just make sure Ocelot gets wind of it, it’ll be hilarious, even if this whole thing won’t work out, you will still have the old man freaking out to cheer you up.”  
  
“Mantis, you are a truly awful person.” Liquid mumbles against his collar.   
  
“Aw, boss. I love you too.”  
  
-  
  
Liquid shows up in Emmerich’s lab for the second time that day, armed with more chocolate and a picture of a flower bouquet he has printed out on Octopus’ computer – since fake flowers are better than no flowers at all.   
  
He dutifully hands Emmerich the piece of paper and the candy as he clears his throat awkwardly.  
  
“Roses are red  
These are made of paper  
You have a nice smile  
Will you spend time with me later?”  
  
For a moment they just stare at each other in silence before Emmerich blinks. “ _What_?”

  
“I, ah, thought this is how you do it?” Liquid asks, panic rising in his voice. “Am I doing it wrong?”  
  
Emmerich looks down at the picture of the bouquet in his lap and then back up at Liquid’s reddening face. “Oh. _Oh_.”  
  
“Er, yes.”  
  
For a very long moment Emmerich is just silent and straightens down the edges of the paper, an unreadable expression on his face that will probably end Liquid’s life right here.   
  
“You know, I never liked flowers.” Emmerich says at length and Liquid is pretty sure his lungs are collapsing in on themselves. “But! – It was always because I didn’t like how they would just slowly rot in front of you, like, even if you water potted plants eventually they die and that is just the most depressing thing to me. So this is… actually kind of _nice_?”  
  
He does not sound too convinced of his own words but Liquid is already far beyond taking risks and offers Emmerich a generous grin. “I’m glad you like them. So what do you say, tonight at 8? My quarters? We can watch a movie or something?”  
  
Emmerich stares at him open-mouthed and then actually _blushes_ lightly (which is probably the cutest thing Liquid has ever witnessed in this sorry existence) before nodding and pushing a strand of greyish-brown hair behind his ear. “Y-Yeah, sure! Can you come pick me up though, I don’t actually know where your quarters are?”  
  
Liquid assures him that he will personally escort him through the dark and dangerous place that is Shadow Moses after dark and even manages to wring a few nervous giggles out of the man – he himself ends up almost hysterically laughing at himself in the public bathroom mirror a few minutes after, relief forcing uncontrollable joy out of him.   
  
It just is unfair, how someone as simple and unimportant as Emmerich manages to force him to lose control over his emotions like this, Liquid thinks. It just is unfair.   
  
-  
  
Liquid decides to step it up another notch and replaces his regular uniform pants with a pair of jeans – Emmerich wears jeans himself, so they must be nice and friendly, or something. Still the unusual outfit does not really sit right with him, it is uncomfortable to be covered in fabric from head to toe and the jumper is getting a little itchy on his bare skin.  
  
(He is not wearing anything underneath of course, who would he be if he could not just rip off his shirt in the heat of battle or a… similar intense situation.)  
  
As Liquid walks up to Emmerichs’ lab he finds himself more confident than he has felt through most of this ordeal – rightfully so; he has sacked the date with Emmerich with both parties seeming to be aware that this _is_ in fact a date, and if he manages to play his cards right they might even get further than just VHS and chill.  
  
And of course there is the Ocelot thing. As cute and innocent and genuinely nice Emmerich is – Mantis is right, it would be quite funny to see the old man freak out a little and Liquid gleefully looks forward to the conclusion of their little plan.  
  
He is going to get some _and_ fuck with Ocelot (not literally, ew) – what could possibly go wrong?   
  
Emmerich is waiting in front of his lab, shyly chewing on his fingernails and looking around as if he fears to get mugged or something worse. Of course Liquid spots him before being seen himself and gives the poor kid a proper scare when he touches his shoulder to get his attention.  
  
“Sorry.” He says and offers an apologetic smile. “Moving silently just comes with the job… .”  
  
Emmerich lets out a nervous laugh. “It’s alright as long as it’s just you. No offense but i’d probably pee myself if I had come across Psycho Mantis in the dark.”  
  
Liquid is bold enough to put an arm around Emmerich’s shoulder and lead him down the hall towards his quarters. “Trust me, Mantis is actually a huge softie, he just looks kind of, er, intimidating.”   
  
“If you say so… .” Not looking too convinced though, Emmerich leans a bit closer against Liquid as they walk. Liquid peeks down at his face; the man might not be the most handsome, but there is definitely something attractive about the passion behind his grey little eyes. For some reason Liquid can not help but feel a little protective of him – sure, Emmerich might be a coward (and a coward’s son) but he _does_ have strong ideals and goals which is something Liquid can muster up respect for.  
_  
Are you done acting like a little school girl? Don’t forger about the plan with your dick taking control like that, Eli._ Mantis speaks directly into his mind.   
  
Liquid wants to complain about his friend’s rude interruption but by now they have arrived at his quarters and he puts on his most charming and relaxed face as he leads Emmerich into the room.   
  
Emmerich looks around awkwardly and stares at the strategically placed candles that litter the space. “Scented?” He sniffs and scratches his nose.   
  
“Pomegranate and rose – you like it?” Liquid ushers him towards the couch and takes his labcoat to hang it next to his own coat.   
  
“Uh, it’s…. _nice_?” Emmerich asks more than replies and looks down at his feet. “I just hope I’m not allergic.”  
  
Liquid sighs and stands in front of him, better get this on with now. “You do know what you are here for, right doc?”  
  
Emmerich’s head snaps up and he gapes at Liquid with a bright red face. “I-I thought this was just a _date_?”  
  
Grabbing the TV remote, Liquid grins at Emmerich as he flops down on the couch beside him. “It _is_. And we are going to watch my favourite movie, I am sure it will help us to get to know each other better!”  
  
Or well, more like it will determine if Liquid can actually stay true to himself – he would _never_ sleep with anyone who dislikes this film.   
  
“Uh.”  
  
“And help yourself with the candy, I’ve got you more chocolate to – being the commander does have it’s perks, heh.”  
  
Wordlessly Emmerich grabs a handful of Smarties and watches the opening to _Legally Blonde_ flicker across the screen.   
  
The whole thing actually goes better than expected, it is not like Liquid anticipated his perfect approach to fail or something – but with time Emmerich seems to get into the movie more and more, despite giving off a very irritated and out of place vibe in the beginning.   
  
When Elle cracks the case towards the end he actually cheers and grabs Liquid’s arm to exclaim that he really likes this; even is really relieved about it not being some hypermasculine war or military fick.  
  
Liquid, who has careful moved closer and closer towards Emmerich while he was successfully distracted by the magic of the bend-and-snap, plunges in right for the kill and grabs Emmerich’s hand to keep it still in his lap.  
  
Embarrassed but smiling, Emmerich turns to him and the look on his face is going to positively kill Liquid.  
  
“Thank you so much for spending time with me, Liquid… . Most of my colleagues can’t stand me because I am, er, younger and I suppose it doesn’t sit right with them that I hold the position I do here.” His smile fades and he looks down on their entwined hands. “I have been very lonely ever since I started working on REX… .”  
  
“ _Uh-huh_.” Liquid’s voice is but a breath. “To be honest I am just glad to have come across someone normal for once, Emmerich.”  
  
“Ah, I don’t exactly qualify as normal, I think. But I guess I am _more_ normal than what you are used to, Mister Super-Soldier, huh?” He does that adorable thing where he brushes his messy hair out of his face again. “You know, you can call me Hal by the way.”  
  
“Hal? Isn’t that short for Henry?”  
  
Emmerich rolls his eyes. “Ugh, don’t remind me.”  
  
Liquid smirks. “I’d tell you my real name, but unfortunately it is classified.”  
  
“That’s fine… .” Emmerich mumbles, and his face is suddenly really really close to Liquid’s.   
  
They kiss as the credits roll and around the time the VHS player starts to automatically rewind there is some tongue and hands-on action involved. Liquid pushes Emmerich down against the couch cushions and manages to wrangle a few breathless whines from him. It is getting kind of hot so he quickly sits up to shrug out of that horrible jumper before going back in to assaulting Emmerich’s face and neck with his mouth, not really caring if he leaves any hickeys or marks behind.   
  
“Um-m, maybe we should slow down a little.” Emmerich squeaks, his hands pressed palms-flat against Liquid’s bare chest. “Wow. You’re like _really_ buff, oh man.”  
  
“I don’t care if we shag or stay with the snogging.” Liquid says matter-of-factly. “If you’re more comfortable with the latter we’ll do just that, though.”  
  
“Ah –“  
  
There is a knock on the door and both of them look up just in time to see it open and Ocelot walking inside, spurs jangling and all, seemingly unaware of the intimate events transpiring in front of him.  
  
“Boss, I was told you wanted to see me?” The old man drawls and finally glances at them with little interest.  
  
Liquid quickly scrambles off Emmerich and smoothes down his pants before fixing his very annoyed gaze on Ocelot. “I was expecting you to show up a bit later though, as you can see I am a little… busy right now.”  
  
“That usually doesn’t stop you from discussing important matters with me, though.”   
  
Emmerich chokes offendedly.   
  
“Oh! We have not met yet I’m afraid, let me introduce myself.” Ocelot says and just walks up to him as if it is the most normal thing in the world but then stops in the middle of the room and stares at Emmerich as if he is in fact a real life alien. (Though Liquid would not put it aside Ocelot to have actually seen _some_ aliens, he is pretty sure the Soviets are hiding those away still.) He pauses and for a moment there is nothing but blissful silence until Ocelot makes a very weird sound, followed by a _very_ disturbed “Shit – !”  
  
“Um, pardon?” Emmerich asks and sits up, trying to fix his bunched up shirt a little.  
  
Ocelot’s face is hilarious and Liquid actually can not help but bark out a shameless laugh which seems to confuse the other two even more than they already are – somewhere inside his mind he can hear his dearest Mantis’ psychic chuckle and they relish in the way they seem to have caught the old man off guard for once.   
  
After throwing a panicked look in Liquid’s direction Ocelot takes a few steps back as if he is being approached by a wild animal and raises his hands defensively. “Christ, I did know that bastard had a son – but I was really hoping that he would have more resemblance to his mother, for the poor kid’s own sake… .”  
  
“Wait – you know my parents?” Emmerich looks shocked and kind of embarrassed. “I suppose my father didn’t leave the best impression on – “  
  
“Jesus Christ, Liquid. I can’t believe _you_ would go and fuck someone who looks exactly like Huey! That’s just – oh god.” Ocelot looks like he is actually getting kind of sick and finally flees from the room, slamming the door behind him, leaving a very confused Emmerich and a _very_ satisfied Liquid behind.  
  
Another awkward silence takes over and eventually Liquid hums quietly as he sits down on the couch again. “Soo… .”  
  
“You knew my father? Why didn’t you tell me?”  
  
“I did not want to make things weird.” Liquid admits. “He was not exactly the most pleasant person I’ve come across in my life, so I thought it would be better if I didn’t mention it all.”  
  
Sighing, Emmerich lets his head fall back. “Hah, well I guess you’re right about that – sorry if my awful dad made things weird for you.”  
  
Liquid snorts. “Oh, please – your father is no match for mine in terms of shittiness.”  
  
“’Suppose we have something in common there then, huh?” Emmerich looks up at Liquid and then turns away quickly, face tinted red. “… ah, I forgot you weren’t wearing a shirt.”  
  
“Want me to get dressed again?”  
  
“… no.”  
  
And in that moment Liquid realises that there is much more value to Emmerich than just a cute face and relatable trauma.

 

-  
  
“Hey, Boss. How did your little date go?” Wolf asks over breakfast the next morning and Liquid rolls his eyes because by now everyone must know about Emmerich and him. He figures it serves him right for having Mantis and Ocelot involved.   
  
Octopus slaps his shoulder encouragingly and slurps on his breakfast margarita. “Yeah! Come on, boss. Spill the tea!”  
  
Sitting back, Liquid just smirks at his friends.   
  
“You know, where I come from we do not spill tea.” He raises his cup. “We _drink_ it.”


End file.
